On Memories and Pain

“For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances …”
William Wordsworth

Memory is the ability of an individual to store, retain, and subsequently recall information. This ability of ours shapes our past, present and future. A person is neither whole nor healthy without the memories of photo albums. They are the storybook of our lives and provide a nostalgic escape from the tormented days of the present.

Studies put memory within the paradigms of cognitive psychology, thanks to the work of people like Jean Piaget and Koffka. More recent developments have led to the linking between cognitive psychology and neuroscience, paving the path for cognitive neuroscience.

Leaving psychology aside for the moment, memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely. These memories provide us with flashes from incidents or people whom we have met or have been associated with on a deeper level.

These memories may be either good or bad, but as far as I can tell, only the good ones remain. The bad ones gradually dissolve and disappear with time, and that is the reason memories tend to make us warm and cozy. “The Carpenters” certainly got it right, when they went:
“All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry
Just like before
It’s yesterday once more”

Good memories make us happy, but at the risk of sounding hypocritical, I’ll add that they can also trigger off a melancholy. Ubiquitous as they are, they tend to cause a lot of grief.
My mother passed away last November. Not having been away from my home town for any period longer than a week, I have countless memories of being petted and spending quality time with her. Now that she’s gone, every little thing from doing the crossword to sitting on the swing reminds me of her. And that hurts big time. And these were good memories.

People always ask you to move on. It’s very easy to say something like that and shift your frame elsewhere. Sometimes I wonder why I have these memories that torment me so. God’s plan is still very, very vague. I’m still in search of that elusive answer. Let me know if you have a solution to this.